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| Of Mars and Venus. |
| 08.28.04 (7:36 am) [edit] |
**Warning... mindless rambling ahead**
I was watching the National Geographic Channel when this nagging question hit me hard on the head. So... I decided to blog it, and hopefully get some answers. It's a little suprising but... it seems, in the animal kingdom, the male species is the dominant gender which gets endowed with all the fantastic characteristics which defines 'beauty' instead of the female. I kid you not. I have a few examples to back up this claim.
[b]Case one : The Lion.[/b]
The big kahuna isn't called the king of the jungle for nothing. The male lion have been blessed with a full crown of fur framing it's majestic mug... essentuating it's presense while enhancing it's asthetic character. The female on the other hand looks down right bland with no special characteristics to show off. Sad.
[b]Case two : The Peacock.[/b]
Ah... this is a fantastic example to prove my point. The male peacock have forever been associated with grace, presence and the pinacle of beauty. It's tail opens into a amazing display of colors which never fails to mesmerize all. The female peacock... sigh... doesn't even look a smidge like it's male counterpart. Looks more like an oversized fowl... ready for stuffing and roasted to perfection.
[b]Case three : The Moose.[/b]
Ok. This is one big mean bugger. Whoa. But... one look at the horns adorning the male moose and your 'whoa' will sound even louder. The horns on the male moose makes it look regal... almost like some kinda royalty in the animal kingdom.
Fantastic. We now shift our attention to the female moose.
Any special characteristics? Nadda. A person with mild astigmatism might mistake if for a common cow. It's that common looking.
Now, with all the evidence I have presented above... I'm pretty sure u'll agree if we came to conclusion that this should also apply to the human species. The male homo-sapien should theoretically be the more 'beautiful' gender.
[b]Case four : Homo Sapien[/b]
First, let's take a good look at an sample of the female gender.
Well, the above sample shows that she's a pretty pleasant looking subject which complies with most atributes we humans associate with beauty.
Which mean... [i]theoretically[/i]... the male version of a human should look even better... or shall I dare say this... [b]more beautiful.[/b]
Let's have a good look at an exquisite male example shall we then?
You can stop staring now. Yeah... I had the same reaction.
Conclusion... either [i]mother nature[/i] have a fantastic sense of humour... or... she screwed up... BIG TIME :wink:
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| Of Bollywood, Mat Rocks and Ka-Rao-Ke... |
| 08.26.04 (8:08 am) [edit] |
It's pretty late at the moment, but I'm still wide awake. I guess I could thank that steaming mug of unsweetened black coffee I had earlier during the day. Taste like shit, but it did wonders to my productivity :)
Anyway, since I'm still up and about, I might as well do some bloggin in the kitchen with my dinky PDA (I'm still PC-less... sigh).
I live in a rather sub-dued neighbourhood. Nothin special... save for the rather 'strategic' location my house is located. On my left, I have a full-fledge coffee shop operating for most of the day. You can hear ppl shouting out food orders most of the time. Things get even more interesting when the patrons had a little too much to drink. A little further down the road, there's a Chinese high school packed with hyperactive kids who run amok every time the bell rings to signify the end of the day. Stay clear of them during this time of day, as they are more dangerous than a stampede of bulls' on a mating high.
You can imagine the din I experience on a daily basis. But after living here for what seems like forever, you sorta get used to it and it no longer bothers you that much. Which make things ok, I guess. I have eccentric neighbors as well. The one, which lives behind my house, must have built a shrine around his ka-rao-ke machine. Yes... the bloody Japanese invention, which brings misery and sorrow to all. I'm damn certain if the Japanese invented the ka-rao-ke culture some 60 years earlier and unleashed ka-rao-ke hell onto the Allied forces... they might have won the fcukin war.
This dude (my neighbor) has been singing his lungs out for like 5 years now. And he sings the same damn bloody songs every time. Since he had so much 'training', I'm sure you might think this guy sings like Julio Iglesias. Wrong. I don't mind ka-rao-ke sessions every once in a while, but the way this guy sings, can and will make flowing water freeze in its tracks. Yes. It's that bad. How bad? Juz imagine handing a mike over to Chewbacca. Bingo... the hairy bugger who does nothin but grunt and groan in Star Wars. Try picturing having Chewbacca crooning you to sleep everynight. Scary.
I used to have another group of neighbors who live juz opposite my house; who were equally interesting. They were a bunch of Malay bachelors living under the same roof. Hardworking bunch of youngsters and all of them had one favorite pastime. Blaring out extremely cheesy lagu-lagu balada (Malay rock ballad) thru their el-cheapo hi-fi sets. Shite... this was even worse than listening to Chewbacca. Malay rock ballads back in the 90's had got to be some top-secret government experiment in psychological warfare. A mere 15-minute exposure to it will leave you more dumbfucked than a retarded gerbil.
The formula is simple. Start plucking some recycled guitar riffs for the intro. Slow down during the bridge so that the vocalist can singing some pre-school lyrics he took 2 minutes to write in the loo bout lost/forbidden love or something. For the chorus, play a few power chords and the vocalist will then let loose some horrifying vocal acrobatics. Repeat, then fade to black. That's all to it. And all of them hav a habit of singing in this style which sounds eerily like a banshee being slowly castrated with a pair of blunt plastic scissors. Which is amusing... for all of 2 seconds. It is bad... but somehow, the M'sian community embraced it like it was the best thing since sliced bread. Thankfully, this phase is finally over.
After the Malay rocker wannabes moved out bout 2 years ago, another batch of bachelors moved in into their pad. This group were a bunch of Mamaks (Indian Muslims). I thought I've seen the worst after the fiasco with Chewbacca and the Mat Rocks. I was so wrong. Apparently, this group of mamaks were huge fans of the Bollywood scene. And yes... they brought along their even-cheaper but loud-as-hell hi-fi sets as well. Which could only mean one thing. My ears are gonna bleed... BAD.
My life is now peppered with the soothing sounds of Northern Indian Bollywood hits. It's not uncommon to hear the soundtrack of Kuch Kuch Hota Hai playing several times a day. So often, in fact, I think I have the entire set of lyrics burnt into my brain even though I do not understand a word of Hindi. Everytime I hear the helium voice of the female Hindi singer blarring thru the cracked speakers of my neighbours' hifi, it makes me wanna run across the beach, dance in exotic foreign locations with gawdily dressed backup dancers who appear out of thin air, and roll down a grassy pairie with my female Hindi co-star. Ah... that would be such a sight.
My house. My neighbourhood. I lov it all ^_^
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| Corner... corner lagi!!! |
| 08.23.04 (8:08 pm) [edit] |
I'm nuts over bikes. Bikes facinate me. The presense of of big bikes can, and will bring my IQ level down to a single digit. I've done my share of moronic bike stunts during my high school years. But nothing beats the stupidity these guys are up to... :twisted:
**Oooh... I'm high and mighty... see me roar... damn... I've an itch on me butt... stupid leather...**
**Dude... me thinks me knee is wearing out... fast!!**
**Latest Olympic event... Speed shitting...**
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| Oh Rainy Days. |
| 08.14.04 (7:41 am) [edit] |
Ow... my head is buzzing at the moment. Probably due to lack of sleep. So pls do excuse this monotonous blog of mine. I'm juz using this as an excuse to post up some pics... hehe.
Had a late yam cha ('tea drinkin') session at a mamak stall wiv WC and Ging last nite. Throw in 3 overworked guys, add a few obscenely sweet drinks... and we could talk the whole night away. Topics ranged from bitching bout office politics to plans on re-starting the guitar jammin sessions we used to have. Other nonsensical topics included praising our 'genius' highway minister who proposed proudly that he will be using 'space age carbon fibres' to repair the severely damaged MRR overhead bridge down south in Kepong... yeah rite dude. Next thing you know, we will be sending malaysian orang utans up space to conduct primate fertility experiments in zero gravity conditions. Woohoo! Malaysia Boleh!
Glanced at my watch. Damn... 2.45am. Said our goodbyes and slowly drove home. Plopped myself on the couch and switched on the idiot box. Gazed at the warm incadescent glow which flooded the living room. Brain went into standby mode. Looked up at the wall clock with my bloodshot eyes. Fooook. 4am. Crashed onto the bed and drifted away.
Blissful sleep interupted by the irritating chime of my PDA. Peered at the LCD screen. An appointment was flashing... "Mountain biking wiv Yong Tau Hu and Kambing Bukit. 7.30am." Double damn... the clock read 6.50am. Barely had 3 hours of sleep. Yawwwwwwwn. Picked up my anvil-weighted butt, splashed some water onto my face and slipped on my lycra body huggin bodysuit which accentuated my fantastic bod (nah... I juz slapped on my worn down white-T, a pair of biking pants and padded gloves. And no... I don't actually have buns of steel. It leans more to the consistensy of a loaf of wholemeal bread... bleh).
The rest is a cronology of what happened next.
Droved down to the usual track.
The foothill was a nicely paved road. A five minute ride up will eventually lead to the starting point of the dirt track. Yong Tau Hu was already there.
Chit chatted wiv him while I assembled my bike.
Yeah... I know. This isn't exactly a state of the art bike. It's juz an el-cheapo 2-wheeler wiv a few custom mods to help tackle the rocky terrain (the front end was rebuilt as the stock config juz doesn't cut it). And yes, that's a namby pamby ergonomic [i]Specialized[/i] seat wiv the patented [i]'love channel'[/i] you see there. Have to take care of my pampered posterior k?
Kambing Bukit arrived 10 minutes later. We started biking up the path.
Looked up. Uh... oh... sky was really dark. A moment later, raindrops the size of peas started pelting our faces. Shite... Raced down towards our 4-wheels.
Quickly disassembled our bikes and I threw mine into my car boot. Dashed into the cabin for cover.
Streams of hikers started making their way down the paved road. Most of them came prepared wiv umbrellas... except us. Hey... we didn't want to look like sissies k?
Darn... there goes my plan to snap some pics of the horse stable near the top of the hill. Been wanting to do so for some time already. Isk... tough luck.
Started driving back. Tailgated Yong Tau Hu's Ford pickup. Anyways... since we can't do any exercise... we decided to exercise our gastronomical muscles. Headed off to get some heavy duty breakfast.
Filling my stomach always make me feel better. Guess the trip wasn't such a waste after all ^_^
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| Local TV Idol! |
| 08.12.04 (1:15 am) [edit] |
I've decided to include a local celeb into my TV idol list based on popular demand for this chicka (ok... there's actually only one request... from WC... bleh).
Who am I talking bout? Redzuanwan Ismail. Better known as the flamboyant tv personality Chef Wan. Now, this... er... 'thing', who's face seem to be pepectually frozen with the most irritating impish grin; single handedly revolutionized local cooking shows on the idiot box. During the 80s, the genre was dominated by horrendously boring so-called chefs who made cooking shows look like a bomb making class conducted by the Al-Qaeda. Monotonous sleep inducing naration dominate the demos and every single ingredient was measured to the smallest of grams and mililitres. Even my Chemistry classes during high school doesn't exercise such precision. Who needs Prozac/Valium to help get some sleep when you can opt to watch shows like these?
Enter Wan. Chef Wan (ooh... I can feel a tingle down my spine everytime I say this...).
Where should I begin? Ah... the first time I saw him bursting into national tele, the first thing which hits my mind was... "Who the hell is this foookin [i]sotong[/i]"? Now... [i]sotong[/i] is squid in Malay. From where I come from, labelling a person [i]sotong[/i] can only mean 2 things. One, he's either a very blur person; oblivious even if some 7 foot Fabio-wannabe gave him a mega wedgie up to his head (that's me ^_^). Or, he could be a very 'soft' kinda person, almost feminine in nature. His hands are forever gesturing around, with his pinkie always in prominence. Sorta like a squid and his tentacles. Mind you... he's no drag or anything like that. Juz a little "soft"... like jello wiv too much water content...
Chef Wan is also a motor mouth. We locals prefer to call him [i]mulut lazer[/i] (lazer mouth). From the start of the show till the closing credits, he would be dishing out at least a gazzillion words per minute. He could kick Eminem's ass 360 degrees all round back to his ghetto if he wanted to. I really doubt anyone would have balls big enuf to even remotely try anything he made during the shoot since most of it would be so deeply impregnated with the wonder juice sprouting from his ever moving gab. Wan also doesn't go by the book. He improvises on his shows and every ingredient was supposed to be used "[i]secukup rasa[/i]" (it's up to you to determine according to your taste). It's not uncommon to see him put a pinch of sugar into what he's cooking, then seeing him dump another handful juz a little later. Purist would be gagging in horror, while layman like us rejoiced.
But this is exactly what makes him so special. He's a freak. A freak who can foooking cook. A freak who's damn entertaining. A freak who moves like a sotong. A freak who breaks all the rules traditional format tv dictates. He was an instant hit. If he had his way, every single mortal in this country would be throwing themselves at his feet... begging to have his baby. I dunno how a guy is gonna achieve this... but based on the rapid advancement in medical science... this should be barely a day or two away.
Yet, this freak... uh... er... celebrity chef... is suprising level headed. Chef Wan have wisely choosen a lower profile and charted a proper path towards global acceptance. He's now the author of several books, hosted countless cooking shows both locally and abroad, plus he is now the food ambasaddor for my country.
Not bad for a [i]sotong[/i]. You've done good my fellow country man... you've done good... sniff.. sniff... **wipes solitary tear from me eye**
Go [i]SOTONG[/i]!!! :lol: 8) :wink:
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| TV IDOLS! |
| 08.11.04 (12:21 am) [edit] |
As you would have guess, I'm a totally certified bona fide couch potato. I spend an obscene amount of time in front of the idiot box. During the course of my endless channel surfing, I've came to identify a number of TV celebrities which I shall call the "TV Idols". These are some of the more interesting personalities which grace the terrestrial world, and thus, worthy of your time. None of the MTV-styled nonsense here.
i) [b]Anthony Bourdain[/b]
The travelling New York chef of the TV hit series "A Cook's Tour". Pepectual chain smoker, skinnier than an aneroxic model. Lazer mouthed critic who isn't afraid of speaking his mind. Willing to risk everything and try everything to seek the ultimate culinary experience. Portfolio includes swallowing a still beating cobra heart, pig muzzle and all sorts of creepy crawlies. His amazing charm and narrating skills, makes this series one of the more interesting ones. One cool dude ^_^
ii) [b]Keith Floyd[/b]
Another celebrity chef, who hosts "Best of Floyd". Hails from England. Looks like a wrinkled up prune but has the spunk of a teenager. Also extremely fond of alcohol. U'll never see a single episode without him drinking himself silly. His cooking skills are undisputable. His garnishing skills though, apes that of a neanderthal. Everything comes in one size... HUGE. The only reason I tune into his shows is the amazing knowledge Floyd has about food. Most of the food demos he presents are as authentic as it can get. I can vouch for this since he did an episode on Malaysia, and boy... can he cook up a mean rendang dish (Malay style dry beef curry).
iii) [b]Jeremy Clarkson.[/b]
Ah... Jeremy. My favorite celeb... who also happens to be a bitchmaster. I follow him on both printed matter and the BBC series "Top Gear". This bugger have a habit of filling three quarters of his auto review with pointless but extremely witty ramblings bout everything under the sun except the car being reviewed. The actual review on the car will consist of a few sentences at the very end of his article. Short but straight to the point. Auto makers have better make sure their products are up to par before sending a review sample to him. He's extremely particular bout everything; and anything which doesn't meet his expectations will be met wiv some very severe public flogging on his show. Nothing is sacred to him. I've seen him beat the pulp out of car makers like Peugeot (yeah... blame France for everything) and Proton (proudly made in my country... bleh). However, he's a fantastic writer, and host. Brutally honest and blunt (are all Brits programmed this way?), but that's what we consumers want.
iv) [b]Nigella Lawson.[/b]
Nigella is an English tv celebrity chef who hosts "Nigella Bites". She carries herself throughout her show with such poise and elegance, you can't help but stay glued to the screen. Reminds me at times of Jamie Oliver; another really fantastic TV chef. Rich, flavourful menus are her forte. You could call them comfort food if you like. Cooking up a storm is one thing. Making everything look oh so yummy is another. And for a lady her age, she still provides damn good eye candy to the show... yummy... (uh... oh... did I juz say what I think I said?! Gasp... down boy...) Darn... I'm such a helpless fanboy. She doesn't venture out much from the kitchen though... so it isn't exactly in the same territory as Anthony's and Floyd's shows.
v) [b]Steve Irwin.[/b]
WTF?!?! How the heck did the Aussie crocodile hunter end up on my list? Actually, I was never a fan of Steve or his shows. It's just that I find him really amusing. A middle aged stonky guy in khakis, acting like a babboon pepectually high on weed, wrestling crocs with jaws 3 times his torso. And for some unexplained reason, he always seem to talk in a manner which hints he has a feral tasmanian devil permanently wedged up his u know what. There's just something which tells you this guy is really special. In a retarded twisted kind of way. Hats off to the crazy croc hunter.
That wraps up cmos's top 5 TV Idols :wink:
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| Growing up... sigh. |
| 08.10.04 (2:10 am) [edit] |
During my highschool years, I love to daydream. I would make all sorts of ridiculous resolutions. "When I start working... I'll earn *so and so figures*... I'll get myself... I'll splurge on... blah blah... and blah blah". Keeps me motivated... at least for short periods of time. Here're some of the resolutions I made and the outcome after working my ass off for 5 years.
[b]Resolution 1.[/b]
[i]What I planned :[/i]
When I start working, I'll save like mad and get myself a Honda Firestorm. A 1 litre desmo superbike wiv close to a 100 horses. Gets me 0-100kph in less time than it takes me to blink. I'll throw caution to the wind and join biking convoys around the country. Clad in layers upon layers of plush supple leather, I'll be the coolest bugger in town! Yeah... I'm a BADASS... BAAAAAAD... :twisted:
[i]What I ride now :[/i]
A superb underbone bike boasting a displacement of 0.1litres and a whooping 7 horsepower. Get's me 0-100kph in less time than it takes me to wash my car, wax it, and wash it again. I throw caution to the wind and use it to go to sundry shops to buy my groceries. Clad only in a worn down sleeveless shirt, bermudas and flip flops... yeah... I'm a badass. And that's only because the super hard seat makes my ass hurt.
[b]Resolution 2.[/b]
[i]My plan :[/i]
When I get a job, I'll make more moolah than I'm able to spend. I'll get myself a spankin new coupe, no namby pamby 4 doors sedan for me. It must be Japanese, wiv a type-R badge proudly emblazoned across it's rear. It will be black, bad and eats everything on the road for breakfast; and some more. I will be the yuppie, which all yuppies aspires to be. For I am... the Ultimate Yuppie!
[i]What I drive now:[/i]
I earn peanuts... so I hav to take a car loan like everyone else. I had to add 2 extra doors to my dream car or risk incurring the wrath of my parents who insist why pay more for less? No Japanese pocket rocket for me... I had to get one of those run off the mill local crap which have such serious build quality issues, even a bullock cart holds up better. Also sadly, no type-R badge... more like type-shite. Oh yeah... it drinks petrol like a bloody dehydrated camel. I get half a mile for each tankful. Jeremy Clarkson (some smart-ass bitch BBC auto-journalist) even smashed up one of these on national TV and then laughed himself silly when he found out a dinky Ford Fiesta held up better. Cool... **bastard**... bleh...
Sigh... I wish I was still in highschool. Making resolutions are so much more fun than trying to realize them... bleh... :roll:
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| Chocolatey Bliss... |
| 08.08.04 (5:33 am) [edit] |
I've heard many stories and myths surrounding it. But never in my sane mind did I believe. That was until I stumbled across it myself. It's true... it's true... PARADISE DO EXISTS!!!
Now... if u'll excuse me... I've got some heavy duty munching to do... :twisted:
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| Flying Daggers. |
| 08.07.04 (9:00 am) [edit] |
Just finished watching an excellent movie called "The house of the Flying Daggers" with an old schoolmate of mine.
Am now bloggin at a mamak (Indian Muslim) eatery alone after my fren had to rush off to attend to some so-called 'emergency'. Bleh... from the looks on his face, must be his gf calling him again. Nvm... I'll entertain myself at this wifi hotspot.
Anyway, this period chinese flick is directed by aclaimed director Zhang Yimao. It stars Zhang Zi Yi, Andy Lau and Takashi Kaneshiro. Even from the start of the movie, I'm totally mesmerised by Zhang's attention to detail, from the sweeping landscape, to the fantastic fight sequence at the bamboo jungle.
Makes Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon look pale in comparison. The cast were very well picked. But I can't help thinking that Andy Lau was way too old to be Zi Yi's character's lover. Eww... but that's juz my opinion.
The love triangle plot may seem cliche, but Zhang added a few twists which was enuf to draw me into actually rooting for each character and also their separate agendas. During the last climatic scene, I actually found my eyes watery... which is pretty rare.
Overall, I would give this a 4 out of 5 stars. Superb effort from Zhang. Which is hardly suprising... haha. Glad I didn't opt to watch Catwoman.
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| IF I DID NOT MAKE MISTAKES |
| 08.02.04 (12:37 am) [edit] |
[i]If I did not make mistakes
and give too brief a thought to heavy questions
or too much time to little matters;
Or if I always knew which road to travel
where every step would lead me into daylight;
And if each face that turned to watch me pass
was broken by a smile;
Or if whenever I should choose to lay my heart
bare upon the sun-warmed grass;
It always was returned with tender touches
and carried by a song;
And if my heaviest burden were only to be
a breeze upon my back, and blossom in my hair,
And my brow was never crossed with lines of pain;
If all this endless summer were my lot
and winter's fury never beat me back,
Then I never would have seen the stormy nights
through which I've struggled, fought and won;
I never would have known the joy of needed comfort given,
or the essence of a friend.
Katie Paton
Scottish Poet[/i]
*I've got the poetic fluency of a retarded gerbil. Which is why I needed a little assistance from some big kahuna poet to help convey my simplistic thoughts into something which is at least worthy of spending 2 minutes on... ^_^
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Blogs By My Everyday Buddies
Blogs I Start My Day
With
cmos
Complementary Metal Oxide Semiconductor. A process that uses both N- and P-channel devices in a complimentary fashion to achieve small geometries and low power consumption.
Also
coincidently the online nick of a very average bloke who at times can be a totally spaced-out blur sotong. Armed with his limited knowledge and talents, he embarks on a personal quest to understand, and hopefully survive this thingy called 'life'.
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